Memorial Day: so much more than a three-day weekend
 |
| Scribbled quotes in my notebook from the first day. |
This past semester... I had an amazing story fall right into my lap and I've been
working to unwrap it bit by bit for the last couple months. The process has required a lot of
reading, interviewing, discussing, thinking, writing, deleting, writing more,
deleting everything, and starting over... It's been a long process but it's been well worth the investment.
I decided to make a small blog so that I could share stories from the
project with friends and family but anyone who wants to read it is more than welcome... Anyways, I don’t want to spoil the whole
story for those who haven’t heard me gab about it for hours on end… but… long
story short, it all began when my Media in War class had an assignment to write a report about a
service member buried in Section 60 of Arlington Cemetery, the section where
fallen service members from the Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are buried.
Again, please take the chance to read it! I’m not trying to promote it
because it’s my own work, I honestly feel it’s an important story to tell and I
was just lucky enough to write it.
- Making it Personal: In Honor of Eric L. Ward -
Every American
remembers September 11th as
an influential day in the United States. Monica McNeal was on a business trip
to New York when the twin towers were struck. Unharmed, she returned home to
Washington State to her son who was in elementary school at the time. On her
son’s 17th birthday, he asked her to sign the permission
forms so that he could enlist in the United States Marine Corps after
graduating from high school. Monica admits that she never knew if the fact that
she was in New York City during the 9/11 attacks was a factor into her son’s
decision to enlist. He headed to Afghanistan in 2009 and every time Monica
talked to him, he sounded positive, though she knew all along that this
positivity was his way of protecting her from half way around the world. The
Marine was killed on February 21st, 2010 in a hostile attack in the Helmand Province of
Afghanistan while trying his best to protect his country, and undoubtedly, his mother.
 |
This is a picture I took while going up the escalator
to Arlington Cemetery the first day I visited. |
I
began this project by walking to section 60 of Arlington National Cemetery on a
beautiful Sunday morning in late February. It wasn’t my first trip to
Arlington, but I hadn't been to section 60 since an 8th grade fieldtrip spring of
2006. Regrettably, the plot of land that was vacant during my first visit has
since been lined with marble headstones. The wars have been controversial, and
Americans have not shared the burden equally. There is no looming draft to keep
people fearfully engaged; the “enemy” has not always been easy to define; and,
aside from terrorizing acts like those on 9/11, the wars have never touched
American shores. The media have done a mediocre job of reporting what is really
happening and why it should matter. Americans’ short attention span has
transformed media coverage into inadequate excerpts about the rising death toll
and the occasional photo of a flag draped casket. Many people are too far
removed to recognize the true cost of war.
I am categorically “unaffected” by the wars, partially
because I’ve grown up in a community where no one enlists after high school
graduation. The only people I have ever known who served in the military worked
for the Air Force but never saw the front lines. I know someone working for the
Navy somewhere off the coast of Japan, but again, three people who have never
seen the front lines is the closest connection I have to any war. The topic of
media and war has interested me for years, but I have felt a desperate need for
some sort of connection as I grapple with a distant world that I know little
about. I thought personal stories would make the war feel more tangible and
concrete, but I knew they were hard to come by, especially if I seemed to be
meddling in a community to which I didn’t belong.
 |
This is where I scribbled "Visit Again" in my notes.
It's wild to look back and see where it all began.
|
While walking around
Arlington, I began writing down the names of servicemen who stood out to me
based on trinkets, photos, and notes that I saw left by each grave marker. The
grave of one Marine grabbed my attention. While the trinkets around Lance
Corporal Eric L. Ward’s headstone first captured my eye, I chose him for my
assignment because he died just days before I lost my best friend in high
school in 2010. The Marine was only 19 years old when he was killed fighting in
Operation Enduring Freedom. I jotted down his name in my notebook and
scribbled, “visit again” in the margins, not realizing that my next visit would
somehow lead me to a phone conversation with Eric’s mother, Monica McNeal.
Eager
to begin research, I took note of a laminated sheet of paper on Eric’s grave
with a link to a Facebook page titled, “In remembrance of our Mount Si friend
L.Cpl. Eric Ward.” I wanted to see if social media seemed to change the way
communities grieve. Someone put the link there because they wanted it to be
seen, so I figured tiptoeing into the realm of social media would be an
interesting place to start. Throughout my initial research, I found countless
newspaper articles and blogs that posted content about his life and death, but
nothing resonated with me quite like the memorialized Facebook page. It was
astounding. There are almost 3,000 people who have “liked” the page and it is
regularly updated three years after his death. I figured that the person
running the page is very clearly devoted to preserving Eric’s memory, as the
posts often include inspirational quotes and photos that help give outsiders
and idea of who he was. It is clear that he was a remarkable figure in his
community because people are still highly engaged online.
 |
Photo courtesy of Molly Feder, a friend who
visited Arlington Cemetery in April and
snapped this photo!
|
I
began thinking about how Arlington cemetery is unique compared to other
cemeteries. Like the military itself, everything is systematically lined up to
be efficient, regulated, and organized. This system creates a collective
identity that makes the U.S. military effective because it is tailored to be
efficient. All the headstones in Arlington are uniform, making service members
fundamentally equal in death. Yet, as civilians, we try to recreate and honor
service member’s individual identity on their headstones.
Military
members come from a variety of backgrounds, but they are made equal when they
join the military and train to strive for a common goal. A cultural difference
between military members and civilians may boil down to this distinguishing
factor of identity; service members identify as a collective body that acts as
one to defend the country while civilians value a sense of freedom
individuality. This freedom to be an individual remains secure because of those
who sacrifice their own identity to become part of system created to protect
our liberties. It is difficult for non-service members, including me, to
understand the sacrifice these individuals willingly make. Those who honor
military members buried at Arlington often personalize the graves by leaving
memorabilia: pictures, stones, trinkets, letters and buttons. It is almost as
though there is a push to reaffirm the identity of the individuals by
distinguishing their graves from the others around them. Though other
cemeteries often have stones and flowers, Arlington has a very distinct way of
decorating and recognizing the military members as individuals.
On
the three-year anniversary of my friend’s death I decided to visit Arlington
again in an attempt to keep my world in perspective. I decided to sit at Eric’s
grave because I felt like it was the most tangible way to honor my friend who
is buried back in Chicago. I decided write, and as I typed, “I feel so disconnected
from all these families around me...” a woman approached me to ask if I knew
Eric. Feeling like an intruder, I scrambled to explain that I did not know him.
I explained that I chose Eric for my writing assignment because his grave stood
out to me.
The
woman welcomingly introduced herself as Nancy Szwydek explaining that she knew
Eric’s family from a memorial at Camp Lejeune, where both Eric and her own son
Steven trained before their deployment. Steven was 20-years old when he was
killed after running over an IED in a Humvee during Operation Iraqi Freedom in
October 2005. She showed me to her son’s grave. There, I met her husband Mike,
and the three of us spent a few minutes speaking about a variety of things,
including Arlington cemetery, military members, documentaries, and my own
aspirations. Nancy reminded me to think of the military members as real people
with both strengths and flaws, because this is something that is rarely done.
The Szwydek’s gave me more
insights and information than could possibly fit into the margins of a paper.
Nancy explained, “His body is here, but he is not,” which stood out to me as
very realistic approach to her loss. As the conversation came to a close, I
tried to explain how thankful I was that she approached me. I felt as though I
had my first personal connection to the wars. She hugged me and gave me her
contact information. She then offered Eric’s mothers contact information as
well. I could not believe the chances that the grave I chose to work at would
lead to this kind of experience.
I
left Arlington, and the only thing that ran through my head for the next two
hours was, “What just happened? How did this happen? This kind of stuff doesn’t
happen.” In terms of religion, I honestly have no idea what I believe, but this
was something bigger than I have ever experienced. Nancy emailed me saying that
she told Eric’s mother to expect a call from me. Overwhelmed by the chain of
events, I called Monica and left a voicemail. She called back a few days later
and left a message, but the first time I heard her say, “I am Eric’s mom,”
something came over me and I began to realize just how important it was to
share this story.
When
I spoke with Monica, she openly recounted her son’s life, reflecting on both
his greatest qualities and his flaws. She explained that her son was not a
typical teenage boy, though he still had his moments. He was a tender, wise,
and calm old soul, but was also “kind of a bad ass when he had to be.” Monica
laughed while sharing a story about the time when Eric gave the family couch
away to a family in need without checking with his mother first. She joked, “I
didn’t realize we needed a new couch, but Eric felt that they needed it more
than we did, so we gave it away knowing that we could afford a new one.” Monica
thinks Eric was a little bit embarrassed by his family’s economic stability
compared to that of some of his friends, almost as though he felt guilty for
living a comfortable life when others could not.
On
Eric’s 17th birthday, Monica picked him up from a massage. He asked her to
go sign the forms so that he could enlist. Monica said it came as somewhat of a
surprise. She knew he wanted to be a Marine, she just did not know he was going
to go through with it. Monica asked her son about whether or not it was
something he really wanted to do. She said that he was remarkably strong and
that he really wanted to do well in boot camp, so he worked with a personal
trainer outside of the high school athletics program. Ultimately, Eric hoped to
serve for 6 years, climb to sergeant position, and head to officer school.
Monica said that despite their tough appearance, every Marine is a “mommy’s
boy” and Eric was no exception. After he was deployed in October of 2009,
Monica kept her phone with her at all hours of the day, just in case Eric
called. She would answer her phone in the middle of the night, or step out of a
meeting, never missing a single call. Her devotion to her son paralleled his
devotion to her.
She
spoke with Eric on the phone around Christmas after seeing a YouTube video that
Eric’s company made to send home over Christmas. They communicated a little
over Facebook until February, 18th, when Eric sent his mom a message saying
there was a “red river” which meant he could not talk about what was happening,
but he would be away with his company for a while on a mission. This message
included something along the lines of, “I love you. I’ll send you a message
when we get back...” Eric never got back. He was killed alongside Adam Peak
after his Humvee hit an IED.
 |
After we spoke, Monica sent me a package containing
Eric bands, pictures, programs, and trinkets to leave at
Arlington during my next visit.
|
Monica
is rightfully proud of the work her son did for the Marine Corps, but she
candidly explained, “No mother wants to know that his or her child is killing
someone, but I am glad to know that he was really good at his job.” She said
that many of the men in Eric’s company have told her that he was a notably good
gunman. Eric’s company has also maintained some degree of communication with
Monica through texts, phone calls, emails, and Facebook messages, just about
everyday since they got back from Afghanistan. Monica suspects that her son
made the company promise that if anything bad ever happened to him, they would
need to take care of his mom.
Eric’s
death, though tragic, has lead to a wave of inspiring events because of those
committed to maintaining his legacy. From wristbands that are left in places
for others to find, to care packages sent to marines stationed in the Helmand
Province, Eric’s own generosity has lived on through the work of others. Eric’s
family and friends have made this project possible because of an overarching
ability to find light in a dark cloud. By willingly sharing his story, they
have inspired others to do the same.
I
am truly humbled to say that my experience at Arlington cemetery has made the
wars in Iraq and Afghanistan personal. Yes, social science points researchers
in a variety of different directions that lead to conclusions about how it is
normal to rally around the flag, normal to be repelled by negative imagery,
normal to loose faith in the government during the war, and normal to pay more
attention when elites disagree... the list goes on an on. But this is not about
research that analyzes war by coding articles and running linear regressions;
this is about telling a story that reminds us that service members are not just
numbers. We need to recognize their identities in the context of their families
and what they sacrifice to keep wars from American shores. Numbers and
correlations can lead to important research, but they can’t give you a personal
experience. We have underestimated the power of a personal story, and I am
happy to say that this experience alone has changed my perspective for the
better.
Though
Monica still admits that she never asked Eric, was it the fact that she was in
New York during the 9/11 attacks that motivated Eric to become a Marine? It is
not hard to guess that the tender, outgoing, and strong young man that Eric was
would do just about anything to protect his country, and of course, as any good
“mommy’s boy” Marine would, to protect his family.
- Special Thanks -
Let
me begin by saying that this was an amazing experience for me. My writing
skills are not nearly good enough to write the kind of story you all shared
with me, but I tried my very best! Special thanks to everyone who helped me
with the project by contributing stories, knowledge, passion, honesty, and or
course, encouragement. Thanks to Nancy and Mike Szwydek for approaching me in
Arlington Cemetery. Talking to you both inspired me to take this project to the
next level and I will be forever grateful that you put me in touch with Monica
McNeal. Monica, thanks for your honesty and willingness to share your story,
your additions made my project so much more than I could have hoped for. I am
astounded by the son you raised, but I truly admire your commitment to making
the world a better place, whether it be replacing a torn flag, taking a blanket
to someone in a hospital, or mailing a package full of Eric’s memory bracelets
all the way across the United States to a college student. Your son gave all,
but you have too, and I am sure that would have made him proud. Thanks to Molly
Pannell for opening up to about her experience both before and after Eric died.
I can sympathize with the loss of a friend, but I can only hope to have the ability
to move forward with the same gusto that you have. I absolutely promise to
always distinguish Marines as Marines and not confuse them with any other
service members... ever. I’ve never felt so humbled by everyone’s willingness
to share an important story, so thank you all for letting me into your lives
for this moment. I hope that I have done an adequate job of telling Eric’s
story. I have honestly never spent so much time trying to decide what to
include and exclude in a paper. I really feel that this is the beginning of
something quite incredible, whether it is another story of “whispers and winks”
or a starting point for further research. Either way, I will do my best to pay
it forward in honor of those who gave all.
Thanks for reading! Please feel free to share this story if you find it compelling or interesting... all I can hope is that this story make us think a little deeper about the subject.
All in all...
 |
| Photo of the GW Hippo with an Eric band on its ear! |
This
story came to me when I was bored and uninspired with my academics. Needless to say, especially to those who have
been around me the last couple of months, this has been one of the most
influential experiences I’ve ever had. The
first day I met the Szwydek’s in Arlington, Nancy said, “I know you care
because you wouldn’t be out here if you didn’t.” I didn’t realize how much I
cared until the story was handed to me, but I’m glad it was. I’ve kept in touch
with the families and friends who have helped me and they have been the most
welcoming and caring people I have ever met... This project has sparked my
interest in the subject to infinite and beyond and I was just hired by the
Office of Veteran Services at GW to work on a really awesome video project with
Sarah, my new Vet Services partner in crime! We are super excited to start our
project and see where the wind blows us next…
For comments or questions, please feel free to email me at audrey.l.alexander@gmail.com
